Tonight it's a House SWARMING!! Yes, we're going total bugfuck as spring shifts into high gear and the goddamned bugs come out for their annual INFESTival! You betcher dicks there's gonna be ticks, and frickin' flies ain't no surprise! Grasshoppers and crickets--that's the ticket, to bring you to your knees with beetles and bees! And we'll add some legs, to your distress, and drag the spiders into this mess--OW! *slap* Dammit...! Lookit them bites weal up... I'll apply a sonic poultice of buzzing, stinging sounds from Norman Bates and the Showerheads, Poopshovel, Wall of Voodoo, Barry Louis Polisar, Bruce Haack, Zilch Fletcher, George Jones, Oingo Boingo, the Cramps, Little Jimmy Dickens, the Ventures, Jack Van Impe, Duplex Planet, PsychoPlasma, the Absurd Imposters Mal Sharpe & Jim Coyle, the Dandy-Lions, Bobbie Gentry, Sue Alexander, the Tinklers, Mothra--and an enticing rarity: the audio track of "The Jitterbug," the lost production number from THE WIZARD OF OZ! This was first big scene they shot, but it was cut from the movie for fear that playing up a faddish dance craze would make this classic film seem dated. (There's a vestige of it left in the final film when Margaret Hamilton tells her flying monkeys:"I sent a little insect ahead to take the fight out of them.") The "Jitterbug" production number was done before major cast changes occurred, and if you listen closely to the original Tin Woodsman's cry of "Thar she blows!"--you can hear Buddy Ebsen's familiar cornpone voice!
And tonight, while I play the egg-spewing Termite Queen, I'm not alone--I brought along an expert for this ride, and who better to advise us in this emergency than Doktor Bugbladder of the Lymph Node Institute? YES! Bugsy appears to counsel us how to deal with the insectoid scourge from a professional perspective! Better get out the Off!, the Skin-So-Soft spray, the flea collars, the foggers--and what the hell, if you have a nifty '70s stingray bike with a banana seat, it wouldn't hurt to ride behind the DDT trucks in that thick, healthy fog just to be on the safe side...
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